Debbie Downer

I thought I would be happy once I got the clearance to run. As it turns out, it is hard. Harder then I ever could have imagined. I can understand why Matt told him he wasn't sure if Boston would be in the big picture for 2013. I still have a long road ahead of me. Technically I am still a candidate for the the fasciotomy.

Last week I felt great. I had ZERO pain in my hip and leg. As soon as I started the land based running drills, the hip pain returned with a vengeance (hip pain has been caused by compartment syndrome over compensation). I wasn't sure if I should be concerned about it or not, but I was freaking out (I tend to freak out a lot). On Saturday the pain was very sharp on Monday it wasn't as bad. I completed my "running" drills, but told Matt what I was experiencing. It is hard for me to explain exactly where the pain is coming from, but it feels deep and it is sharp. However, the pain isn't as bad as it was a couple of months ago. Matt said that it was concerning and that maybe, even though I don't want to, I should go back to Dr. Anderson. I told Matt I would email Dr. Anderson on Thursday if I was still feeling the pain. Unfortunately I was and still am today so hopefully I will hear something back. The good news is that today is the best I have felt. On a scale of 1 to 10, the pain is about a 2. On Wednesday it was a 5. Foam rolling and stretching seems to help so that has returned as my part time job. The foam roller goes where I go.

The last two days I have turned back into a spinning freak. I actually used my Garmin and was amazed that I trucked along to 22.5 miles in 90 minutes yesterday. I felt fantastic. I didn't do any land based running drills on Wednesday, but today I am going to attempt them after work. I might not be able to run the 200s, but I can at least work on the form portion of the drills which is what Matt has recommended I do. I also will try to do some light lifting tonight, but not lift anything heavy to aggravate the hip more. I got my new Brooks Ghost 5 running shoes on Tuesday and I am dying to try them out on the track. Keeping my fingers crossed that I can tonight. I have been wearing them around the house and they feel AWESOME. Super light weight, but "cushy" at the same time.

With all that has happened since December (specifically the last couple of months) I have kept my chin up the best that I have been able to. I have tried to see the positive in everything that has seemed negative. Wednesday morning (the 4th) was my breaking point. I sat down to the computer and saw everyone's tweets and photos from their 4th of July fun runs and I started bawling my eyes out. I just cried. I have been upset that I haven't been able to run and I have cried a couple of times, but nothing like that. It felt good to just get it out. It made me realize just how long my road to recovery is going to be. I have down played my compartment syndrome since I was officially diagnosed, but really it's pretty serious. At this point I can't imagine running Boston next April. You know what? I am totally okay with that. After my bawling session on Wednesday I felt a lot better about everything. Boston matters a lot to me. I have unfinished business there, BUT I know that I can easily get another BQ. If I don't run Boston in 2013 it won't be the end of the world.

Mr. Healthy Diva and I had been talking about starting a family after Boston 2013. That was our deal since I ran CIM in December. Now that I can't run and won't be training for a race anytime soon we are thinking that maybe now is the time to start thinking about starting a family. Everything happens for a reason and maybe this "down time" was meant to be a blessing in disguise. My hubby has been hinting at kids for the last year and I keep putting him off because I am training for this race or that race. Now that I am not training for anything and don't have any races on the calendar now seems like the perfect time.  So....stay tuned........

--Tasha