Friday, November 7, 2014

Well hello again!

Let’s get real, shall we? Motherhood is tough. It doesn’t matter how many books you read, parenting classes you attend or advice you receive. This shit is tough. Nothing entirely prepares you for being a mom. You come to the hospital exhausted, but you leave even more exhausted then when you arrive. When I was on maternity leave there were days I would go without having time to take a shower. I would be ecstatic when my husband got home from work so I could actually shower and brush my teeth. Nobody tells you this stuff! Nobody tells how fucking {excuse my language again} hard nursing is. I bawled my eyes out EVERY TIME baby A had to eat. There was one point where I was crying with my mom and my husband walked into her nursery and laughed. I wanted to stab him in the eyeball with a fork. He probably wasn’t laughing directly at me, but it still affected me. He said that one day I would laugh about the trials and tribulations of nursing. Excuse me sir?! I will NEVER LAUGH about it. It WILL NEVER BE FUNNY. True story.

Every day I became more angry with my husband.  I still struggle with this on a daily basis. I had to go back to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave. Going back to work was a huge adjustment and I resented my husband for it. I would get 4-5 hours of sleep every night and then have to work all day and function in a professional environment. How in the hell is that fair? It’s not. I still feel like he hasn’t made as many sacrifices as I have had to make. It makes me angry all the time. Please tell me I am not the only mom who feels this way about their significant other?

I miss my pre pregnancy body badly. Before baby A I spent hours working out every day because I had the time to do so. I would run 12 miles and then go to the gym for a grueling crossfit workout. I would do that three, sometimes even four days a week. For “fun” I would run half marathons on weekends. I was VERY active. I can’t reiterate it enough- I was in the best shape of my life going into my pregnancy. Even though I gained weight during my pregnancy I was active the entire time. I went to farmgirlfit up until I was about 37 weeks pregnant. I stopped because at that point I felt like I needed some rest and I had a lot of random “nesting” things that I wanted to complete. I ran on a regular basis until March {about 34 ish weeks}.

Pre pregnancy I ate very clean. No fast food, no cheeseburgers, no candy. You get the picture? When I got pregnant, my body craved everything I normally would not eat. I gained more weight than I would have liked. My na├»ve little self thought I would lose most of the weight with nursing. THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED. At 3 months I was told to “hang in there, it will come off by 6 months.” I am currently 6 months and 10 days post partum and haven’t even come close to losing ½ the weight I gained. I am constantly comparing myself to other new moms {do not do that people!} and wanting to actually punch them in the face for bragging about how they have lost all of the baby weight + more in a matter of weeks. Seriously?! {I don’t really hate you; please don’t take my comment personal}

I started “running” again exactly 6 weeks postpartum. In the beginning it hurt, but it was tolerable. My hips and back felt out of alignment, but I wogged {run + jog} my way through 12-18 miles a week for about 2 months. Then all of a sudden it wasn’t bearable anymore. Not only did my hips hurt, but my feet were screaming at me. With that development I haven’t run for months.

My goal post partum was to start farmgirlfit back up in September. I needed to adjust to being a working mom. I HATE being away from baby A during the day and then leaving her for another hour so I can workout. I feel like I am being selfish for even thinking about going to the gym because that is precious time I am missing with my babe. I finally bit the bullet and started going back to farmgirlfit a month earlier than I had anticipated in the hopes that it would jump start my metabolism. I try to go two times per week, but some weeks I am only able to make it in once. I can bring baby A if I absolutely have too, but I avoid doing so if possible. Recently my MIL has offered to come watch baby A on Wednesdays so I can have at least one dedicated gym night. I am forever grateful that she has offered to do that for me!

Even with the added fitness the weight is still not coming off and I am angry about it. NONE of my pre pregnancy clothes fit. It isn’t just about my clothes not fitting, I feel uncomfortable in my body. On a scale of 1 to 10 {1 being the lowest}, my self esteem and confidence is a 4. This is NOT ME, but I can’t seem to shake it either! Tomorrow I turn 31 and my hope is that I can make this next year one of my best yet. Starting this Sunday 11/9 I am taking my measurements/pictures and participating in the ISABody Challenge by Isagenix. I am not asking for your opinion on the product because I am sure that there are a lot floating around. Just know that I made a very educated and well thought out decision before I decided to purchase my product. I want to be happy with myself again. I don’t need to be the size 2 I was before baby A. It’s not about that. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. If Isagenix can help me lose 5-10 lbs and gain some of my energy back I will be satisfied.

Early next week I will post my starting measurements and my general plan of attack for the next 16 weeks. I am not sure how often I will post, but it will be at least once a week. Other than shedding some post baby weight I currently have no desire/plans to run a race. Races can come once baby A gets a bit bigger. Right now she is my number one priority!

Up until a couple of weeks ago I had no intentions of writing Healthy Diva anymore. I even came close to deleting the entire thing several months ago. It wasn’t until recently I remembered why I started HD in the first place. It was to document my journey to becoming a healthier individual. When I started HD in February 2011, I was at a really low point in my life. Networking with all of you and writing HD held me accountable with my weight loss and fitness goals. I have finally admitted to myself that I need HD to hold myself accountable again. I need you to help me too! I thrive off of support and a positive routine.

I honestly debated writing this post. I thought about what I would say for over a week and then I still struggled to write it. My intention of writing this is to share my personal experience. Everyone’s experience with motherhood is different! We shouldn’t compare ourselves, even though it is hard to not do so. Hopefully you can relate to me in some way and perhaps I can inspire you if you are in the same position. Being a mom is the most gratifying “job”, but also the hardest we will ever have.

Please don’t read this post as me being entirely negative. I LOVE being a mommy and I love baby A dearly. I wouldn’t trade her for anything. She is my WORLD. She is the best thing I have done and I am so incredibly lucky to have her as a daughter. I am thankful that baby A is happy and healthy. She is growing like a weed and everyday she amazes me by learning something new. Mommy-hood is good!





Wednesday, March 19, 2014

5 weeks to go {give or take}

This little blog that I have loved over the last couple of years has definitely been put on the back burner this year. I go through days where sometimes I miss it and sometimes I don’t. I mostly miss the interaction from all of you, but I don’t want to bore you with all of my pregnancy stories. They really aren’t that exciting!

Our little Bean (she still doesn’t have a name!) is due to arrive in around 5 weeks. Now that our birthing education classes are complete, sh*t is really starting to get real. It is hard to believe that our quiet little house will soon have a baby in it. Tia & Maisy get bug eyed everyday when the “little person” has more stuff arrive.

Third trimester has been the hardest for me. I feel uncomfortable all the time. Simple tasks become a million times harder. Rolling over in bed, tying my shoe laces, walking a flight of stairs, etc. leave me breathless. Just hauling myself out of bed every morning has been a process! Not to mention I am really not sleeping good at all. For the first time in my life, I find myself staring at the ceiling for most of the night while my husband and pups snore away. The morning sickness I didn’t have in the beginning has managed to make an appearance the last couple of weeks. The feeling of nausea comes and goes each day. The acid reflux is so awful that it makes me throw up and can hit me without warning. My love for all things spicy and for Mexican food has been put on the back burner for the time being.

Our house has finally been pieced back together after having been in complete disarray for two months. What started as “we need a nursery” turned into “let’s remodel our entire house!” Probably not greatest project to be taking on, but we both survived and are still married. Bean's nursery is done and I must admit that I am obsessed with it! For not knowing what exactly I wanted a couple of months ago, I think that it turned out perfect. 

Big sisters checking out the crib




I am still working out at Farmgirlfit which has been a good stress release for me. Even there simple things have gotten much more difficult. Bending over to pick up the bar can be challenging and don’t even ask about pull ups. They were hard enough without the extra weight. I can still run which is something I have been grateful for. I am sure I look absolutely ridiculous, but at least I am moving.

Bean is a little mover and might even have a hint of stubborn in her- just like her momma. Even at our last ultrasound at 33 weeks it was hard to see who she looks more like because she really didn’t want to show us her face. At my ultrasound in November I thought she looked more like me, but now I don’t know. I guess that it will be a surprise. Other than one slight pregnancy scare at 32 weeks, everything really has been smooth sailing. My OB did order a 3rd ultrasound because she was concerned that Bean wasn’t growing enough, but that turned out to be fine. As of 33 weeks she was in the 57th percentile and weighed in at 5 pounds. At my 34 week checkup she was already heading down with her little fit wedged into my upper right ribs. I was pretty sure that was where her feet where because she has been kicking me good in that area lately.

There has been some exciting news that I feel like I should at least briefly mention with a full post in the works. My official first race back will be running Hood to Coast with Nuun in August. I might not be in the best shape come race weekend, but the timing is absolutely perfect and I couldn’t be more excited about the opportunity.

We did have some maternity photos taken a couple of weeks ago. I loved all of them, but are here my favorites:








--Tasha

Friday, January 3, 2014

Happy New Year!!!!!

Happy New Year!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday season with their families! I spent mine on the Oregon Coast for a couple of days with my family and then we spent Christmas day in Spokane at home. This year Christmas and New Years was pretty low key, but I am sure that next year the holidays will be a lot more exciting with Bean here.

I know that it has been weeks since I last posted, but life with a baby on the way has been busy. As my due date gets closer, I think my to do list gets longer! What started as a conversation about carpeting the hallway and bedrooms has turned into a full scale makeover of our house. It seems over whelming, but these are things we have been talking about doing for years. Just getting them completed will be a huge relief.

Other than getting ready for baby Bean the last couple of months we have been having some fun too. We watched our college football team make it to semi finals of the FCS playoffs, barely missing another chance at playing for the national championship. Going to the games are always fun, but were a little different this year since I couldn't drink at the tailgate. We also went to the Seahawks vs Saints game the first of December. That was a fun game to watch in person!

Me with Vernon Adams the quarterback and runner up for the Walter Payton Award

Bean is ready for some football next year!

Bean photo bomb @ 19 weeks

We also had some professional pictures taken back in October. I think that they turned out pretty good!


My personal to do list for Bean is slowly getting checked off. She (Yes, we found out on 11/23 that Bean is a GIRL!!!) doesn’t have a name yet, but we do have some names selected that we like. I made all of her crib bedding and her crib set is purchased. I am still on the lookout for a dresser and a book case for her room. Her room is slowly coming together and has been mostly cleaned out. Last week I selected the paint colors and I have a general idea of how I want her room to look. Last week I also went and registered which was a fun, but an overwhelming process. I went solo and left the husband at home which was probably a good thing!

Tia & Maisy are VERY excited to be getting a little sister in April 

Baby Bean!

Long little runner legs

Bean's bedding set with bumpers, 3 sheets and the dust ruffle

My pregnancy so far has been pretty easy. I was experiencing severe heartburn for a couple of weeks, but my OB prescribed me pepcid which has helped relieve that. I am tired, but I haven’t been sleeping very good at night. From what I have been told, that will probably only get worse. The amount of weight I have gained has really freaked me out; I don’t even look at the scale at my OB appointments anymore. I hope that I will be able to lose the baby weight after Bean comes. I am feeling her move more and more every day. I was told I might not feel her as much until about this time because she is sitting really far back. Now I feel her all the time. I swear that she is already training for her first race.

My Boston Marathon jacket almost no longer fits :-(

New Years Eve @ 23 weeks

I am still working and plan to do so up until little Bean arrives. I am also still working out, but not as much as I would like. I recently downgraded my Farmgirlfit membership to just 2 days week. Going 3 days was not giving me enough recovery time. I can still lift about the same as I was before, but the cardio portion of the workouts slow me down. Surprisingly, I can still do box jumps at almost 24 weeks pregnant, but I probably won’t be able to continue them much longer.

Running hurts. I try to run/walk 1-2 days a week with a 30 minute time limit. Not only do I just feel jiggly everywhere, but my hips and knees ache making anything longer than 30 minutes almost unbearable. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to continue my run/walk routine up until her due date.

My OB thinks that I am borderline crazy for running and doing farmgirl, but she supports my decision to stay active. I have been very honest with her about what type of workouts I do and she doesn’t seem to be concerned as long as I realize what my limits are. Realizing those limits at first were tough, but I slowly came to terms with them several weeks ago.

I am already thinking about some running and fitness goals that I would like to accomplish post pregnancy, but nothing has been set in stone. I don’t want to commit to anything just yet. Her due date puts a wrench on some of my favorite summer races, but I would like to run Missoula in July. A triathlon will more than likely be out of the picture for this year, but I still have hopes to complete an Ironman in the next couple of years. By midsummer I would like to be going to farmgirl at least 3 days a week again to start building back my strength. Like I said, nothing is set in stone, just ideas at this point. I was excited to find out that I will still be working with Nuun and Brooks in the coming year.

I am so out of the blogging and social media loop right now. What is new with you?????

--Tasha



Monday, October 7, 2013

Colbert Half Marathon {Race Recap}

Friday afternoon I was feeling upset that I wasn’t going to be running the Leavenworth ½ marathon on Saturday. After looking online I realized I could register day of at the Colbert ½ marathon for only $20. I considered that to be a huge deal so I decided to complete the registration form. I asked both my mom and Mr. Healthy Diva what they thought about me running and they were both supportive. As long as I took it easy and didn’t let my competitive side come out, they didn’t see a problem.

Later that night I started to doubt my decision to run in the morning. My longest run since Spokane to Sandpoint was only 7 miles. Would I even be able to run 13.1? I decided to go to bed and then make my final decision in the morning when I woke up. When I got up in the morning, I still had some doubts, but decided to go ahead and run. I was going to run with my cell phone so if anything happened I could just call Mr. Healthy Diva to come and pick me up.

I got to the race about 30 minutes before it started and was able to quickly register. It was freezing outside and I was beginning to think I wasn’t dressed warm enough. At 30 degrees, my fleece and capri running pants were not keeping me warm. I wished that I had brought my fleece headband to keep my ears warm and some gloves. I just hoped that I would warm quickly once the race started or else it would be long ½ marathon!

The Colbert course is quite challenging with hills, but very scenic and runs through Green Bluff which is one of my favorite places to visit. Other than it being chilly, it was the perfect morning for a long run!

I took it easy in the beginning and felt really good. I maintained a conversation pace and walked about ½ way up each hill (I found that my HR would spike if I tried to run the entire hill). The miles ticked by really fast and I was enjoying myself. At mile 7, I was warm enough to take off my fleece so I stopped and took it off. By this time I was approaching the monster hill that seems to go on forever (between mile 7-10). I knew that there was no way I would be able to run the entire hill so I ran/walked it. Even doing this method, I passed a lot of people. At the top of the hill it is essentially all downhill to the finish line with only about 4 miles left. A guy that I was leap frogging with talked to me for about a ½ of a mile. He was very impressed that I was running the race pregnant and told me good luck. I glanced down at my watch while we were talking and realized I had dipped down into the 7:30 pace range and was ecstatic I was able to maintain a conversation at that pace even if it wasn't for very long. I knew I only had about 2 miles left so I just went for it and pushed the 8 minute pace. I was careful to keep my breathing and heart rate in check. 

The course ended up being short, but I finished in 1:53:36 which was an 8:53 average. My secret goal (don’t lie everyone has one for each race!) was to finish in the 2 hour range. I was very happy that I was able to run under that and still feel good. Even if the course wouldn’t have been short, I still would have run a sub 2 hour ½ marathon. I even didn’t get a ½ marathon PW which I was also surprised about.

Split
Time
Distance
Avg Pace
Summary
1:53:32.9
12.78
8:53
1
8:28.4
1.00
8:28
2
8:28.4
1.00
8:28
3
8:30.3
1.00
8:30
4
8:32.9
1.00
8:33
5
9:05.9
1.00
9:06
6
8:59.4
1.00
9:00
7
9:30.7
1.00
9:31
8
10:47.3
1.00
10:47
9
10:40.3
1.00
10:40
10
8:51.7
1.00
8:52
11
7:48.5
1.00
7:49
12
7:47.7
1.00
7:48
13
6:01.2
0.78
7:44

 Now do I dare say that I am excited to run another half marathon with Baby Bean?!


--Tasha

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Running & Baby Bean {Week 10}

This last week Baby Bean was the size of a kumquat which is 1.3-1.7 inches. Bean had a lot of changes during week 10 including forming tiny toes, external ears, lips and tooth buds. I am still flabbergasted ALL of my pants feel tight when Bean only weighs about 0.2 ounces.

I felt pretty good all week, except for a yucky phase on Tuesday. When I first woke up I didn’t feel terrific, but appeared to feel better as I got up and started moving around. Made it through the work day and had time to get in 4 miles before farmgirlfit. As soon as I got done running I felt like death. Powered through my workout at farmgirl and then just never felt that great for the rest of the night. Ended up going to bed before 9pm for the second night in a row.



Monday 9/30:
Super LONG and TOUGH workout at farmgirlfit.
5 rounds for time:
10 KB snatch + lunge per side (26#s)
15 hand release push ups
20 medicine ball cleans (15#s)
25 v-abs
50 double unders
Total time 34:38

Tuesday 10/1:
Ran 4.02 miles before farmgirlfit. Farmgirl was divided up into 3 sections for the nightly workout--
1.                   2 rounds of max back squats (95#s) + 25 ab mat sit ups. My max reps were 25 + 26 = 51
2.                   16 EMOM (every minute on minute)
10 push presses (55#s)
15 KBS (35#s)
Each round we alternated between push presses and kbs
3.                   Max plank- my attempt was pathetic as I have not been doing core work. My time was 1:45
Pennies for Pull-Ups: 1

Wednesday 10/2:
I had the perfect run after work- everything just felt good! Ran a total of 5.07 miles

Thursday 10/3:
I was going to run and go to farmgirl, but I was so exhausted when the afternoon came that I ended up just going home and taking a rest day.

Friday 10/4/13
Ran 3.51 miles before farmgirlfit
1 rep max should press-- Mine was 70#s, I couldn't quite do 75#, but it was still a 5# PR!
Followed by 6 rounds for time--
6 front squats @ 85#s
9 knees to elbows
12 box jumps
100 meter run

Total time 18:29
Pennies for Pull-Ups: 9

Saturday 10/5/13:
Half marathon #19! Decided to do run this on Friday afternoon mostly because I couldn't pass up the great deal. Only $20 for race day registration!
I will recap this later this week, but the course was short so I only ran 12.78 miles.

Sunday 10/6/13:
My left hip was super angry after the half marathon so I took the day off. Instead I worked on phase 1 of Baby Bean's nursery. Why am I starting so soon? Well, I have a crap ton of clothes which all happen to be in the room that will soon become a nursery. I had to go through my clothes to toss out ones I don't wear, put my summer clothes in storage AND move all of my clothes to other closets in the house. This took me literally all day. The nursery room is almost empty of my things, but still has quite a bit of Mr. Healthy Diva's stuff on it. I hope to have the room entirely cleared out in the next couple of weeks so that we can lay carpet.


Total miles for the week: 25.75 miles (Goal met! I wanted to run between 25 & 26 miles for the week.)

Questions for you:
What is the cheapest you have paid for a 1/2 marathon day of????
How often do you decide to a race last minute, especially a race that is a longer distance?

I hope that everyone had a fabulous week!!!!

--Tasha

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Pennies for Pull-Ups {please sponsor me}

For the month of October I am participating in Farmgirlfit’s annual charity fundraiser- Pennies for Pull-Ups.  From 10/1-10/31 I will complete 496 pulls-ups. October 1st- 1 pull up, October 2nd- 2 pull ups, October 3rd- 3 pull ups, etc. Farmgirlfit will donate 4.96 on my behalf for participating, but I am also looking for sponsors to either sponsor me for 4.96 or for any other amount you wish to donate. Sponsoring is easy, just be sure to specify that you are sponsoring me, Tasha Malcolm.

Here is the link to visit to learn more about this fundraiser and how to become a sponsor-

http://farmgirlstrong.com/2013/09/30/pennies-for-pull-ups-2013/

The money from this fundraiser will go towards a great cause and will be donated to Camp Goodtimes which is a camp that provides outdoor experiences for children diagnosed with cancer so they can temporarily forget about their illness, treatments & hospital visits.

The American Cancer Society used to the be the main sponsor of this camp, but as of August, they have dropped their sponsorship-

http://www.krem.com/news/ACS-drops-sponsorship-of-N-Idaho-childrens-camp-218440221.html

I would secretly love to have the most sponsors out of any other member, so please sponsor me if you can. I would really appreciate it!

Wouldn’t you want to see a pregnant lady complete 496 pull ups?!

--Tasha

Monday, September 30, 2013

Week 9

Last week was week 9 of my pregnancy. Baby Bean was the size of a cherry which is really hard to fathom because it is so tiny! I have been reading "What To Expect When You Are Expecting" and I have the "I'm Expecting" app on my cell phone to keep my up to date on all of the changes my body is going through. So far I have had zero morning sickness and haven't experienced in other symptoms that I have read about. Other than being tired and hungry, I feel pretty good! Thankfully, my energy is starting to come back too which has been nice.

I started to look online at nursery ideas over the weekend. Can you say overwhelming?! I have no idea what kind of theme to even begin to think about!!!! I know that I definitely do not want an owl theme because I think that they are creepy. I pinned some ideas on pinterest, but it will be much easier to start making decisions once we know if Bean is a boy or girl.

Monday 9/23:
Ran 2.06 miles before Farmgirlfit
FGF—
1 x 400 meter run followed by 4 rounds: 12 squat thrusters (65#) & 12 pull ups
1 x 800 meter run followed by 4 rounds: 12 wall balls & 12 box jumps
1 x 400 meter run

*box jumps & pull ups keeps getting harder for me.

Tuesday 9/24:
OFF—had a much needed 80 minute massage scheduled

Wednesday 9/25:
Ran 2.11 miles before FGF
For time—40, 20, 10, 5 (KBS, Goblet Squat & Oblique Twists). In between each set, 5 per side Turkish Get Ups (Used 26# KB).

This was a really hard workout. The heaviest weight I have used for a TGU has only been 20#, but we had to use the same KB for the entire workout.

Total workout time- 19:43

Thursday 9/26:
Ran 2.39 miles before FGF
15 min AMRAP
7 Bears (55#)
1 rope climb

*I didn’t do the rope climbs even though I can because I am afraid of falling. Instead I did 5 knees to elbows + one 30 second “L” hang each round
Total- 47 (5 rounds + 7)
Workout was followed by 50 slamballs for time (15# medicine ball). My time was 1:36.

Friday 9/27:
Ran 5.37 miles

Saturday 9/28:
It was pouring so I did my “long” run on the TM. Ran 7.036 miles in 61 minutes.

Sunday 9/29
Duck Waddle 5K!!!! First Female, 3rd OA. Ran a 23:54. This was the fastest I have had energy to run in over a month so it felt good. Thankfully the weather was on the chilly side so I didn’t feel like I was going to overheat. Mr. Healthy Diva walked the 5k so when I finished I ran back to find him and then walked the last 1.5 miles with him.

My goal for the week was to start increasing my mileage. My knee and hip still ache, but not as frequently. I wanted to be in the ball park of 25 miles which would be my highest mileage week since the week of Spokane to Sandpoint (8/12-8/18). I came in right on target of my goal- 23.906 miles.

This coming week I would like to hit 25-26 miles with the goal of eventually hitting 25-30 miles on a consistent basis for as long as I can. Wishful thinking at least. :-)

Questions for you:
Do you have any great nursery ideas for me????
Did you race over the weekend? If so, how did you do?

--Tasha