Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Being at peace with myself

I thought that this week would be an emotional one for me.
I should be in full swing of taper tantrums.
I should be an emotional wreck.
I should have at least three race outfit options laid out on my kitchen table.
I should be nagging Matt at every waking moment about race strategy and mile splits.
I should be dreaming about course maps and elevation charts.
This Saturday I should by toeing the starting line of what was to be my 5th marathon- the St. George.
But I am not.
You wanna know what? I am at peace with that. I had lofty goals for this race back in May. I was going to train hard all summer and I was going to run a FAST marathon; at least fast by my standards. I had an “a” goal of a sub 3:10 and a “b” goal of sub 3:15. This was going to by MY RACE. This was the race that was going to help me DREAM BIG for a sub 3:00 marathon and prepare me to kill it in Boston in April.
I am at peace because I am in a good spot both physically and mentally for the first time since last year.
I can run pain free.
I can run happy.
I have all my toenails (you are supposed to laugh here).
More importantly I have learned so much about myself and just how strong I really am.
There will be other races and plenty of marathons in my future if that is what I choose.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself I am going to be thankful for how much I have GAINED in the last 5 months. There is so much to be thankful for.
I have an AMAZING support system and an AMAZING coach. I have people that have stuck by my side through the days where I hated everyone and everything. The days where I never thought I would run again and wanted to punch a wall my friends always said the most encouraging and inspiring things. That encouragement and inspiration helped heal me just as much as my medical team did.
I am going to continue to DREAM BIG no matter what happens. I have so much to look forward too!

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