Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Learning to say the "N" word

I have a hard time when it comes to saying "NO". I always say yes, even though I know that it might not be the best decision. I hate disappointing people and I feel like I can take on the world. When in fact, I really can't. Not to get into too much detail, but I have work, responsibilities at home, and then there is this marathon I am training for. On my off running days, I have FGF and a little bit of time to catch up on what I have been getting behind on. In my ideal world,  I would be a stay at home mom to Tia and Maisy, but unfortunately that isn't happening just yet.

Now that spring is finally making an appearance I also have Run Club on Tuesday night. Run Club takes a lot of my spare time. This year some of the duties will have to be delegated to other participants because I can't do everything. With Run Club starting tonight, Tuesdays will be chaos. Work, FGF, and then Run Club all wrapped up into one day. I will be ready for bed by 9pm!

You may have heard me mention of a gig at Fleet Feet that I had taken on as a running mentor for beginning half marathoners. I was really excited about this opportunity and I absolutely loved the participants. When I had been approached to be a mentor it was over a month ago before I got into the longer marathon training workouts. Several weeks went by and I never heard anything so I figured that they had enough mentors. Last Tuesday I got an email asking if I would be interested in being a mentor for either the Bloomsday or the Windermere 1/2 Marathon training group. I said I wouldn't mind mentoring the Bloomsday group because I didn't think Windermere would be a good idea since I wouldn't be available on race day. That seemed to be okay so they asked if I could come at 5:00 pm the following day since it was the first training run. It really caught me off guard since the communication had been broken weeks ago. I said sure and went with it. Next thing I know I am a mentor for the half marathon group, which I didn't want to be, but again I went with it.

The last two Wednesdays have been long. I had to be at Fleet Feet at 5:30 pm and then wasn't getting home until around 7pm when I still had to do my own running workout. Running in the morning really isn't an option for me because with FGF the night before I don't have enough recovery time and the workout would be a waste. Running at 7pm until close to 9pm is far from ideal. It was awfu!!!! By the time I got done running I wasn't hungry for dinner. Who eats dinner at 9pm and then goes to bed 30-45 minutes later? Plus, who wants to run at 7pm? Not me!!!!

Saturdays with Fleet Feet would prove to be even trickier since it is my long run day. I can't be there at 8:30 am and "run" with the group and then turn around and knock out my long run. I was told that I could just use the group run as my "warm up". Well, sorry, it doesn't really work that way. I have certain paces for each run, I pay a coach for this training plan and I am going to stick to it. A warm up for me as an 8:00 min pace and not a 12:00 min pace. The group run mileage is just junk miles and does no good for me. Looking ahead at my training schedule I have three 22 mile long runs + two 24 mile long runs. Starting those anytime after 10-11:00 am is not an option. Especially after 3-8 easy miles with the group.

In the end, Matt wasn't thrilled about my decision to do the Fleet Feet gig so I had to make a tough decision.  I totally understand where Matt was coming from, he is my voice of reason when it comes to my training. After a few back and forth text messages I knew that I need to bow down from being a mentor. It just wasn't realistic of me to think that I could commit to this group. I know that the hours required were very little, but I have a lot going on right now. Including that marathon I am trying to train for. I needed to learn to so "NO" which was not easy and was a really hard decision for me to make. I love running. I love everything about running and I love to see people get excited about it for the first time. This just wasn't the right time for me to commit to being a mentor. I know that down the road there will be more opportunities like this and that will be at a better time.

Questions for you:
Do you have a hard time saying no?
Do you tend to over commit yourself and not realize it?

--Tasha

47 comments:

  1. I can definitely relate and I'm sure it was tough to bow down but sounds like you needed to otherwise you would have really resented it which wouldn't be good for anyone! I have a very tough time saying no and am constantly overextending myself too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was tough, but I really know that deep down I made the right decision for myself. I need to get better about giving myself a break. Something I can always improve upon.

      Delete
  2. Good for you for making a decision that is best for you:) I actually don't have the problem of saying no unless it is someone really close to me asking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need to learn from you Rachelle. Please give me your pointers on saying NO.

      Delete
  3. That would be hard to try to do both at the same time. I think you made the right decision. I have got a lot better at saying no now that I have kids. I barely have time for my running already!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, I don't know how you do it Christy. Now I know why you did your long runs in the middle of the week last year!

      Delete
  4. I over commit myself ALL the time...that is why I have a wonderful husband that is my voice of reason...sometimes the voice is ReAlLy loud...hahaha The thing to remember is life will go on and they will find someone and you DO in FACT need to take care of yourself first! It sounds like you made the right decision for where you are in your life right now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I made the good decision too. Matt was not thrilled with me and I really don't want to make the coach made. That might alter training plans in a way I don't want them altered. LOL.

      Delete
  5. ((raises hand)) I always say yes....I mostly say no to hubs ;) and I am working on that! I spread myself way too thin and then it catches up with me.... #twopeasinapod

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These last couple of months I have felt pretty overwhelmed. I keep telling myself that after May life will get easier. I just need to make it through this freaking marathon!

      Delete
  6. Guilty.guilty.guilty. I want to do everything. But I am only one person. I'm glad you had the hindsight and someone to support you in your decision :) I agree with it completely~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know it was a good decision. At first I regretted it, but now I don't. :-)

      Delete
  7. Yes, yes, and yes. This is such a hard thing for so many women! I'm glad you were able to step down, it definitely sounds like the right decision.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was a good decision Laura. I am glad that I had some voice of reason to help me realize I wasn't doing myself any favors by committing myself to being a mentor right now.

      Delete
  8. Good on you for realizing your limits Tasha :) I am horrible at saying no because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but then I find myself going in so many different directions and then to my breaking point.
    That's nice that you have your hubby to be a voice of reason. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel the same way- I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings! UGH. Hate that.

      Delete
  9. I am so glad you looked at the situation rationally and decided what would work best for you and those around you. Sometimes you just have to say no!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, nobody can do everything unfortunately. I know that I made the best decision for me. Now I just need to keep it together for a couple more months and then life should get easier.

      Delete
  10. You definitely made the right decision by deciding to do this mentoring gig another time!! Don't feel bad about it at all, you're going to be a fantastic mentor one day (when there is time for it!!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly Katherine! There will always be more opportunities when the time is right. It just wasn't meant to be right now.

      Delete
  11. It IS so hard to say no to things sometimes!!! I think you're doing great and I'm sure you've made (and will make) the best choices for YOU.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate saying no because I don't like to disappoint people. I wish I had more hours in the day so that I could do everything that I want to do.

      Delete
  12. I am VERY careful about committing to things because I always want to give it my all and I get VERY stressed VERY easily. I've learned the hard way it is better for me to take less and then have margin to accept more informal opportunities.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need to learn from you Kate! I get super stressed out. I swear my stress levels go through the roof on a weekly basis. I really thought I could make the Fleet Feet gig work because I am so obsessed with running. I think it would have worked out better if I weren't training for my marathon at the same time.

      Delete
  13. I used to be terrible at saying no espacially before becoming a parent...I would say yes to everything and overbook myself...now that I have 2 kids who both play sports and my running and school and the rest of the family life..I have no choice but to say no...! Now I struggle with resting..going for a run when I should say no running..

    good for you for being able to make the best choice for YOU

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think every mom has commented on the same thing- they stopped saying no when they became parents. That is good advice for me to take! :-)

      Delete
  14. I hate to be stereotypical, but I do think women have a harder time saying no than men. I know it applies to me, too.

    I did a coaching gig for a marathon program a few years ago. It required running with the group on top of my own training and it really just hurt my training. I loved it, but the time commitment and the extra running added up to my saying no next time around.

    Good for you for making the right choices for you and your life. No guilt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree with you Amanda! I don't know what it is, but I feel like in a lot of arenas we are expected to say yes. I was thinking about why yesterday and I think that we are expected to say yes because we always follow through. My husband for example is the king of "all talk, no action" where if I say I am going to do something I do it. Every time, no excuses. I have had friends comment to me that I am the only who follows through when I say I am going to do something which is probably why people always ask me. I just need to learn that I need time to myself and also need to be stress free!

      Delete
  15. The "n" word title scared me at first! haha NO is a hard thing to start saying if you aren't used to it. Whenever I'm the "new person" it's always impossible for me to decline anything. A new class, a new job, a new group of friends... I'm learning to say heeeeck no a lot more often now. ;)

    If they needed you this time, they will need you again. You'll be even MORE valuable to them if you've been working hard on YOURSELF for a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am sure that it is easier to say no now that you are a mommy! Maddux keeps you really busy.

      Delete
  16. PS: I want you to train ME! I'm hopeless.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I definitely have a hard time saying "no" but I completely agree it was for the best. Running needs to be fun and overloading it can make it the opposite. Besides being exhausted isn't worth it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Being exhausted makes me cranky which makes me not a very fun person to be around. :/

      Delete
  18. I am the worst at saying no and always overcommit myself! I must admit that I seem to overestimate the amount of time I have available... I've been working on it lately though! I'm glad you were able to find a solution. There will be a better time for you to add this to your plate! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I overestimate my time too. That is probably part of my problem. I wish that I had more hours in the day to do everything that I want to complete. It would be much easier if I didn't have to work. :)

      Delete
  19. I fall into the hard to say NO category too...but I'm finding as I age, it's getting a little easier. It's hard to be wonderwoman all the time!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is VERY hard to be wonderwoman all of the time! I can't always be that fabulous, I mean I am not perfect. ;-)

      Delete
  20. I really relate Tasha. I have got better with age but my default seems to be 'yes'! I'm glad you have been able to change things with your Wednesday commitments, it sounded completely unmanageable before, even if you are superwoman ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wednesdays and Saturdays would have been awful for me. I could have kept it up for a couple of weeks, but not 10 weeks. EEEK. I would have pulled my hair out or really endangered my own training that my coach and myself have invested a lot of time in.

      Delete
  21. I haven't had a problem saying No to things but my husband on the other hand does and I think I learned from watching him. I have realized that it just throws your own priorities out of line and then things get all congested and you end up doing the things you don't really want to do to to please people for the sake of pleasing people. I'm glad you were able to realized this in your own life and get it straightened out. Great job Tasha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder if my husband watches me so he learns to say "no" more frequently???? He has no problem not committing to things where I feel like I have to be involved in everything. Even in high school and college everyone always came to me because they knew that I would follow through and finish a project. I think as I get older, saying "no" will be much easier!

      Delete
  22. I haven't had a problem saying No to things but my husband on the other hand does and I think I learned from watching him. I have realized that it just throws your own priorities out of line and then things get all congested and you end up doing the things you don't really want to do to to please people for the sake of pleasing people. I'm glad you were able to realized this in your own life and get it straightened out. Great job Tasha!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I sign up for more things than I can handle and then have to drop out =( I need to learn the N-O word too! Or invent cloning =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, why didn't I think of cloning myself??? Brilliant idea Liana!

      Delete
  24. i absolutely suck at saying no and always over extend myself. glad you could bow out before it became too much!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know me too. Even know I feel overwhelmed and that isn't with Fleet Feet. This marathon training cycle has been so freaking taxing. UGH!

      Delete

I love your comments & inspiration